On bowling and the dark muse

Last night was our friend Joe's Bowling Birthday Party. That's J.B.B.P...? Bowling is fun and should be practiced more regularly by my limbs for it enables one to make a fool of themself. It's strange the contorted movements I found myself making after a strike or misguided roll, both manifested instictive, primitive gestures out of me. Gestures I wouldn't normally make. Hence the fun.

Before the party me and Puma decorated cakes:


Carl the video guy:






















Joe the Birthday Boy:
Mauro, the only bowler who
beat me. Go ahead, laugh it up.





















Friends blow out their friends birthday cake candles.

















Girlfriends cut their boyfriends cake.






















So sometime last week as I was walking to get my morning caffeinated beverage I past a window with a interesting old Religious woodcut that grabbed my attention and made me step back to look at it. On the flyer were the words 'The Psychospiritual Journey's of Abraham and Rebecca, Jacob and his brothers, ....'. This was enough for me to say, 'Ok. I'm listening.' I took note of the date and time in which this presentation was going to occur disregarding that it was a Baptist Church. That was this morning. Thankfully my friend Chris, who I told about this event and who also shares a curiousity towards Religious themes, text messaged reminding me for I was disenabled or disemboweled, either one, in bed, recovering from a slight hangover. Oops, I did it again. Thank goodness I drank all that water before going to bed!! Lessening the brain swell.
Feeling slightly ackward, as I usually do venturing into church's, I had the same discomfort and lack of ease sitting in this one. This had nothing to do with the greeter's or other worshipper's, it's strictly something in my own head that doesn't allow me complete relaxation in 'House's of God'. Context? Memories of nuns with sticks? Smelley breathe priests dictating dictum's? The talk dealt somewhat with this very notion in fact, the feeling lack of ease in a setting part. As the pastor read from Genesis stating a passage about Abraham, God said to him, along the lines off, Go away from your home, your people, and I will put a new one on you..' The statement resonated with me for it is something I have felt before, the sense that one should periodically zoom out from one's environment and circumstance to see where one is and where one is standing, questioning if this is where they want to be and/or if there is something they feel should change. A good way to evoke a change in one's circumstance to welcome new things is to step out of one's 'home', into the feared unknown, the bardo realm that acknowledges no guaranteed comforts but is essentially necessary for personal development.
Something I've been pondering lately lead from this idea is the notion of longing. Wanting something that we do not have, causing forms of suffering to overtake our mood. For me however the longing has been aimed towards a hopefully more productive end. I have been focusing, or attempting to focus my energies to the creative process aligning myself with the special interior female that I harbor in me. I think of her symbollically as the source from which all my creative efforts rise. With concentration and time dedicated to her maturation and fruitful givings I am able to feel this longing for the physical ,that I lack, dissipate and mean less or be of less concern than my art making endeavors. One because the rewards I reap are so much more substantial to me on a holistic level. The evidence I create by drawing worlds with people and imagined landscapes remain much more vital than any passing relationship I may seek out in tangible reality. This of course will need to be intergrated further down the road to avoid complete insanity perhaps or extreme isolation and/or unwanted Hermetism. But having heard the Reverend's lecture re-iterate to me what I had/have been thinking about extensively within the past two weeks ,struck me as serendiptious and synchronous. Fading then into a awakened, knowing certainty that it all makes sense, that of course he is talking about this, it goes beyond me. I'm not the only one feeling these feeling's. I may be giving it a different name, giving it a body, a gender, a symbolic archetype, but world wide I think there is some longing for something deeper, more meaningful and gratifying.

I will never cheat on you.